ahem.. i have something to announce...

i'm expecting!!

i think most of you already know the news but some are still in the dark. =) as of today i am 6 weeks pregnant. joy...... and i'm grounded by my gynae.. i no longer need to fly to vietnam. weeeee!!! bliss......

it's really a miracle how God blessed us with this child. there is a mighty testimony behind it.

as some of you know, at the beginning of the year, i went through an operation to remove a cyst. of course, after such operations, fears of whether or not i'll be able to conceive set in. and worse, the doctor also said that i had a condition called endometriosis. it's a fairly common condition but that also means that it lessened the chances of me getting pregnant.

so as what i doctor would do, he recommended treatment. hubby was not too comfortable with the form of treatment so we discussed and told the doctor to give us 6 months to try out for a baby.

as months went by, disappointment started to set in. many lessons were learnt, about trusting God, and God making everything beautiful in His time.. that He was ultimately in control and His timing was perfect. so we tried, we prayed... i was also worrying about the community service (QQS) trip in july which i was leading.. i was thinking, if i got pregnant, how'd i be able to go? but i came to a point of utter surrender.. where i told God, it's up to you.. if i have, i have, if i don't i don't. if i have, i praise you, love you and serve you. if i don't have, i'll still praise you, love you and serve you.

jan... feb... mar... apr... may...

then i had an inkling. and at the same time i received an email from the organiser of QQS to say that it might be postponed due to the olympics happening in china. so i told God... if it is confirmed postponed, i'll do a home test.

it was announced.. QQS is postponed to 2009.

i did the test. it was positive.

then, my heart fluttered! it was a sunday i remember... and a church friend adviced me to go to my gynae on monday. but i was pretty stressed out because i have an appointment on monday during work hours. my company was celebrating its 50th anniversary and i was chosen to be one of 5 to be singing on the gala dinner night. monday was the recording session (so that i only have to lip sing on the actual day).

feeling disappointed that i can't see the doctor immediately, i was ready to call the clinic on monday to make an appointment for tuesday.

did i say God was in control?

on sunday night, a colleague (also a cousin) sms-ed me to tell me that the guy helping us out at the studio was not feeling well! i don't know how but it happened and the recording is going to be postponed to tuesday! ha! now, i can see the doctor on monday.

i did. he confirmed the pregnancy. hubby and i were ecstatic.

you see, the thing with humans is this. when you don't have you worry you won't have. when you have, you worry that you will lose it.

if some of you are familiar with the topic of pregnancy, the first trimester is the most "dangerous" period because it's high risk period for miscarriage. so i feared.. and became afraid to announce the news.

during the period of trying, i remember that we have to live by faith and have faith. so i asked God to assure me.

i was going to meet my pri school friends in the city area... and i asked God to show me 5 obviously pregnant women. i would take that as a sign of assurance that the pregnancy would be smooth and i would carry the baby to full term.

i saw 5 obviously pregnant women, the 5th appearing only just before i was abt the get onto my friend's car as she was giving me a lift home.

isn't this miraculous?

you could say it's coincidence. but i believe it was God. i can turn back now and say God is good and i'm happy i had faith and hoped.

you know, during the months of trying... i can keep saying to myself "God is good, God is good". i couldn't believe it at first. how can a good God not bless me with what i want? but God is not a vending machine. neither is he a God who is only concerned abt how He is going to bless us. He is a God who is concerned on how we lived our lives, and how we draw nearer to Him in that process.

when good things happen, it is easy to say, God is good. what if you are in bad times... do you still hope? do you still believe God is good?

i think here lies a lesson that i would probably remember for life. to know that God is good, and He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8)

have i told you what the name of my baby would be?
if a girl, hannah. if a boy, ethan.

hannah means grace, favour. ethan means strong, firm. hannah was the mother of prophet samuel. she also had problems conceiving and she prayed, and hoped, and believed and she received. ethan was a servant in king david's courts. he was also the author of psalm 89.

did i tell you that hubby and i are also praying for twins? when i went to see the doctor, the doctor still couldn't see anything in the womb... coz it's still too early and everything was still a clump of microscopic cells. my next visit in june, i'd be able to see some dots through the ultrasound.

i'm so excited! i can't wait for june to come.. so that i can see my precious baby on the screen.

please continue to keep me in prayer... i'd really appreciate it.

to God be the glory

{ Friday, May 23 }